But being on the receiving end of their email? It’s best if I just show you what they’ve been sending to me.
Two weeks before semester
“Coffee is the best thing since slice bread”
I…don’t get it?
One week before semester (O-week)
“One week of freedom left”
Well, yeah. Thanks for the reminder that my holidays are about to end.
“In case you hadn’t heard, uni starts in just one week”
“Grab your textbooks and everything else you need now so you can enjoy your last few days of freedom.”
I would’ve grab my textbooks. But you know – the queue was out the door. So no.
“Accept free food samples. From anywhere. Always.”
Are you guys offering food samples? Oh, you’re not. Meh.
Week one of semester
“Welcome back to another epic year at uni”
“It is well and truly time to sort yourself out now”
No, I don’t need to ‘sort myself out’ thank you.
“Say hello and make new friends, you might be sitting with the next Nicole Kidman.”
I don’t want to sit next to the next Nicole Kidman? DON’T TELL ME WHAT TO DO.
Week two of semester
“Sort yourself out now”
Can you like, not?
“Make nice with your microwave. It’ll serve you well.”
Week three of semester
“We don’t mean to nag”
WHO ARE YOU? MY MOTHER? WHAT IS SHE DOING AT UNI?
“…you still haven’t got everything you need”
Have you been stalking me?
“Don’t sign up to 8am classes.”
Excuse for failing a subject: But the The Co-op said to not go to my 8am lectures?
Week four of semester
“Uni began 4 weeks ago…”
Yes I know. I’m a uni student. I can count.
“You still don’t have your textbook”
Look, let’s face the facts. I can’t afford textbooks. There is a thing called ‘the internet’.
“We know, we know, we probably sound like a broken record”
“Invest in a Segway to avoid running to hand in uni assignments”
Hmmm…most assignments are handed in online now. Why would I invest in a segway in the first place? And I am pretty sure I can outrun a segway…